petitioninggod.com Blog

(Or any other kind of blues, for that matter!)

I always return to Kierkegaard on this, how he wrote so forcefully (and so opaquely at times, if you’ve ever tried to read him!) of the simple fact about human nature that we are created with a need to connect ourselves to our Maker, so that that’s the only way we can escape despair, yet we’re also created in such a way that our natural inclination is to avoid such connection by any means possible. (If that sounds like a catch-22, I think it was the only way God could do it & still make us truly have free will.)

The reason I know Kierkegaard is right is because I’ve been thinking about the question of happiness, and observing human nature, ever since I was a teenager, when I could already tell that the things people thought would make them happy—jobs, possessions, activities, even relationships—didn’t. I think the main reason I knew this was because my mother had some really rich friends, who could have everything they wanted all the time, & they were just as miserable as everyone else.

For a while, I even thought the secret to happiness was the opposite of the rich people’s situation—that people who didn’t have it all but had to work for it, were thereby happier than the others, even though they frequently didn’t realize they were happier at the time. (And I do still think the working ones are usually closer to happiness than the rich ones.)

As I’ve gotten older (I’m 55 now), it seems clear that the normal pattern of life on this earth is that even if things are “good” for a few years or decades, then the whole thing is going to blow up in our faces in one way or another. Kids grow up, leaving people feeling empty & useless; careers become unfulfilling or cease to exist; parents die or become disabled—or disease, depression, or poverty strikes us directly.

To me, the message here is that this life is short & temporary, & the only way we can overcome the suffering is to base ourselves and our happiness elsewhere. Just as Jesus said, we need to store up for ourselves treasures in heaven, or live in the spirit instead of in the flesh.

(That other wise teacher, Buddha, said the same thing, only in slightly different terms. Life is suffering, therefore the key to happiness is to detach ourselves from it, learning to focus instead on the peace deep within us.)

Actually, I’ve been incredibly lucky about all this myself. Ever since—as I write about in the opening paragraph of my book, available elsewhere on this website—God zapped me at a junior high Bible study when I was 14, I’ve been acutely aware that the reality of life is beyond the here and now.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t had to struggle, though; it just means I knew where to look for answers. The fact that I have had to struggle (at least sometimes) has led to much greater joy & peace than I would have experienced otherwise, and—most importantly—it’s enabled me to potentially help others by sharing my story.

Lots of people say things like “I need to work on my spirituality.” Well, that’s the secret to curing the blues! Every one of us is a unique soul, and we have to do the work of nurturing that soul if we want to find peace and joy. YOU have to do it yourself, and the way you relate to God will be slightly different from the way everyone else does, but it will also be like everyone else’s in a lot of ways, because everybody who connects themselves to God is connecting to the same Holy Spirit.

So, if you want some help trying to find God, I can direct you to other pages on this website (petitioninggod.com), including but not limited to the book chapters themselves. The other pages of the website are things you can read even if you only have a few minutes; frequently it’s only a few words a person reads that lead to their discovery of God within their own hearts.

Also, nearly every post on this blog is universalizable, because I always try to do that when I write them. So even though I don’t write many new posts anymore, you could browse a little & see if anything grabbed you as something you’d want to read to see if it helped you connect to God. Some of the posts that seem to have clicked for the largest number of people are the one about loneliness (December 2008), the one about praying to the moon (January 2010), the one about practicing resurrection (June 2010), & the immediately preceding post of December 2010, although that one is a tad long & over-comprehensive. (But you could just read part of it if you wanted, or read part one day & the rest another.)

As for how you can actually go about getting in touch with your Maker, I think the phrase “getting right with God” is overused and meaningless to a lot of people. It seems too easily shrugged off as a sort of momentary nod to God, without any prescription for transformation, which is what we’re looking for here, aren’t we, if we really want to cure our blues?

“Getting connected to God in your mind” seems a better way of saying the same thing, since it implies aligning your heart with God (who, as Jesus came to tell us, is love) and listening to God in the deepest recesses of your mind, so that you can know what tasks of transformation God has in store for you.

See, the main thing I’ve learned in several decades of studying how to get prayers answered is that God is always wanting to transform us into our better selves, but only with our consent (and our help), since we’re created with that wonderful thing called free will. So the secret to all this is that once we get connected to the God within ourselves, then, if we want to find happiness, we need to say YES to whatever projects of transformation he (or she or it) proposes for us. We have to do what Deepak Chopra calls “learning to cooperate with God.”

If you think you don’t have any transformations you need to make, think again—because we’re talking about things like attitude adjustments or changes of heart. I don’t know about you, but I always need them. There is always some attitude toward someone that’s sitting there in my heart and my brain, blocking me from being the person God (who is love) created me to be. (As well as blocking me from getting my prayers answered, since in that frame of mind I’m not forgiving others, which is the basis of Jesus’ model petitionary prayer, the Lord’s Prayer!)

If your problem with all this is that it sounds too rooted in “love” to do you any good because your main problem is ANGER—well, I just want to tell you that that’s my main problem, too. So you’ll find plenty on the subject of dealing with anger all through my writings.

So, the only sure cure for the blues is to work on your own spirituality, which is between YOU and God. My prayer is that you will find the time to do that soon, whether or not you ever read another word of my writing!

God be with you!

Sara

I started not to use that title for fear that it might sound superior, as though I have the answers to everything. But I decided instead to just remind you (or to tell you for the first time if this is the first time you’ve read my work) that the only reason I have any of the answers or suggestions I do have is because for about a decade now, I’ve tried to learn all I can about how we humans can best relate to God. (Which I believe is the only way we can live the most productive & joyful lives we’re capable of living.)

So, here we are—spiritual strategies for ordinary days. Because it seems to me that the ordinary days are where the real spiritual challenge is. Most of us are pretty good and pretty godly when we’re in crisis mode, but 95% of our lives isn’t crisis mode. So it stands to reason that if we can learn to navigate that 95% in God-centered ways instead of the self-centered ways that come more naturally to us, it will really help us out.

The basic challenge of life is that it’s up to us, every minute of every day, to choose whether or not to align our minds with God’s (who, as Jesus came to tell us, is love). The reason we need to do this is because it’s the only way to be happy!

I’m all for antidepressants if people really need them, but it doesn’t surprise me that happiness seems to elude so many of us, because in our culture it’s especially hard to take the time to look within ourselves, where the abovementioned spiritual work must be done.

We don’t necessarily have to spend much time on it, but we’ve got to be still somehow, & to look inward to find God within ourselves, & then get God to help us reorder our minds (that is, to carry out the literal meaning of “repent”), changing whatever needs changing about ourselves & our attitudes. Then, we must turn our attention outward, & serve God by doing whatever it is God wants us to do to serve the world.

As Kierkegaard observed 160 years ago, it’s human nature to do everything under the sun to distract ourselves from this need we have to hook up individually with our Maker. SK called it this emptiness we constantly try to keep at bay despair, which I think is the perfect word, although in our culture most people probably wouldn’t admit to such a strong term of desperation. In fact, as SK also observed, most of us do such a good job of distracting ourselves that we don’t even know we’re in despair. At times we may even think we’re “happy,” yet know deep down there’s something missing—well, that something is our getting connected to God & centering our lives around God and doing whatever it is God wants us to do to love our neighbor & to spread God’s kingdom on earth.

How to do this spiritual work, in practical terms?

Well, it seems to me that the only way to defeat despair is to face up to it (though perhaps only briefly), to feel your pain, & then from that totally helpless position, ask the Creator to help you out of it. The Creator will, and you’ll be stronger for the experience, with less need to continue to distract yourself.

But what about the daily challenge of continually making the effort to connect to God? How can we get better about that?

One method that’s worked for me lately is to repeat Jesus’ words on the cross: Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.

Some people who know I pray a lot seem to think I keep my mind connected to God all the time, automatically. (That would seem reasonable, wouldn’t it?) But the reality of human nature is that no matter how spiritual we are or how much we’ve prayed & listened to God in the past, we still have the tendency (or at least I still have the tendency) to let ourselves be oriented around our natural set of emotions instead—and those emotions are often negative & destructive. If we want to be ruled by the God of love instead of by our feelings of fear, resentment, avoidance, or whatever our negative feelings might be, we have to make that choice over & over & over again. And one of the best ways I’ve found to do this is to keep saying to God, “Into thy hands I commend my spirit.”

For me at least, those words blast away all the negativity of this world—the laziness or inertia, the pettiness, the fear, the hatred—leaving only the love that Jesus demonstrated in its place.

Since Jesus meant for us to copy him, I don’t think it’s disrespectful for us to repeat this phrase, even though he said it in the depth of his suffering. In fact, it seems perfectly tailored for the task of getting me out of myself and into my connection with God, because it represents the dying I need to do, dying to myself & to my selfish desire to remain spiritually lazy. (The basic gesture—of submitting our wills to the will of the Creator—can be used by people of other faiths as well.)

What happens on “ordinary days” when I don’t do some spiritual exercise like this? All kinds of crap, to be honest! I can take on the most immature attitudes, such as complaining about activities coming up that I think I don’t “want” to do, or not caring about doing my best at whatever task awaits me in my work or other activities, or worrying about my far-distant-future financial security, or being PO’d at someone for something, usually something really stupid. None of those attitudes would feel good even if there were no such thing as God, but since there is a God & God loves us, the attitudes are that much dumber for me to dwell in, because to reject them & turn toward the “light of the world” is so much better!

Maybe this is what original sin is—our inability to stay in the right mood without repeatedly turning our minds over to God and asking God to adjust our attitudes for us.

(By the way, the turning over of your mind also leads to your being able to get more of your prayers answered, as I write about in my book.)

Another experience I want to share is something that happened to me on an ordinary day recently, although it wasn’t something I deliberately planned for, so in that sense it’s not a “strategy.”

What happened was that late one afternoon in early November, I swept my front walk to get up the red magnolia seeds that dot it that time of year and get stuck in the bottoms of people’s shoes. The task was nicely short & manageable, only taking about 15 minutes from start to finish. I wasn’t surprised that it also had the spiritual effect of sweeping out the cobwebs in my brain.

But my sweeping did something else as well. About a third of the way through the task, I suddenly realized I was being engulfed by Peace. Then when I finished, I stood there for a minute or two, facing in the direction of the soon-to-be setting sun—and I felt the mild, clear November air, and saw the amazingly beautiful grass and trees amid the blue of the sky, and I was overcome with gratitude for such splendor.

(And believe me, my yard is nothing special! I mean you could do this anywhere, even in the middle of NYC!)

This blessed event, in which I was positively seized while in the middle of doing something very ordinary indeed, is probably not something we can plan for, but I think we can get close to it deliberately. At least, we can try to be open to these momentary experiences of joy that God wants to send us—and afterwards, we can draw on the memory for a spiritual booster shot whenever we need for things to seem holier than they’re seeming at the moment.

Because, even though we’re hard-wired to notice them only occasionally, two facts are clear: we are surrounded by grandeur, and we have the potential for peace—the “peace which passeth all understanding”—deep within our souls.

As far as a method for drinking in as much as we can of the feeling while it’s available to us, & then drawing on the memory later—well, for me, breathing in deeply and relaxing while exhaling helps me do both those things, as it does just about everything spiritual that I try to do.

Of course, we still have to make the choice to do this, to draw on the memory rather than being completely swept up by the million different things that are always competing for our attention in this world of chaos & instant communication. But we can choose it if we want to. It’s up to us.

In a recent Sunday school series on spirituality, my wise minister talked quite a bit about how spiritual growth is a choice. He also said we can choose from three ways of responding to the fact that we find ourselves thrown into this imperfect, seemingly godforsaken world. We can either be angry at God, or we can stoically remain tightlipped as we navigate whatever life throws at us, OR we can choose to “stand with the story” of the Gospel, which enables us always to believe that God will bring good out of evil, and turn suffering to joy.

In another class, the same wise minister talked about how with the holidays coming up, it’s extra important for us to choose to attend to our spirituality amid the hoopla. This intentional focus could, he said, prevent the “January blues.”

In any case, it’s also a good outlook to have for that 95% of our lives that consists of “ordinary days.”

God be with you!

Sara

“May I be careful to have my mind in order when I take upon myself to speak to the sovereign Lord of the universe, remembering that upon the temper of my soul depends, in very great measure, my success.”

Susanna Wesley (1669-1742), mother of John & Charles

I ran across this quote a few weeks ago, & it blew me away. The temper of my soul when I pray is precisely what I’ve been trying to observe for a decade, in hopes of writing about it in my book.

I won’t try to approach Mrs. Wesley’s level of eloquence, but maybe I can suggest some of what she might have meant by this captivating phrase.

Her other remarkable phrase, the sovereign Lord of the universe, makes me think of the humbling of ourselves that I’ve found is absolutely necessary if we want to have “success” when talking to God. The Bible says (doesn’t it?) “Be still and know that I am God,” and that’s exactly what we have to do.

One way of doing this that works for me is to walk outside at night & look up at the starry sky. Notice how small you are compared to this infinity, yet also how close—you’re really contained in the same space as it is. Think about all this power & goodness, to have made these wonders of nature as well as our ability to appreciate them. (I don’t see how blind chance could possibly be responsible.)

Then, if you want to relax into the arms of the Creator of all this glory, take a deep breath & lean your head back so that you’re looking directly up into the sky. Focus on a star or constellation if you want. The important thing is to relax and take deep breaths, imagining your troubles being exhaled with the air, and your self-centered will being submitted to God’s will. Look at the moon & let it represent the face of God as you speak to him or her. I do this all the time, it’s not idolatry! It’s getting my soul into the right temper to communicate with the Almighty.

Once you’re feeling both your own smallness and the Creator’s power, you then need to listen to him or her as much or more than to talk.

Several other aspects of getting our minds in order before talking to God were offered by Jesus himself.

The most obvious of these is that we must have faith. And that is a major requirement. But Jesus gave at least two other tips for getting prayers answered just as explicitly, yet we tend to ignore them. (Maybe because they require something of us beyond merely trying to believe we’re getting what we’re asking for.)

The first is forgiveness. The Lord’s Prayer gets right to the point: if we want our petitions to be granted, we must begin by forgiving others. At another time (Mark 11:25), Jesus explained more completely, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone.”

I don’t know about you, but for me, there’s pretty much never a time when I don’t, in my heart, have anything against anyone. To get my soul into the right temper, I have to stop those angry, irritated, or complaining thoughts in their tracks and ask God to take them away.

The second of Jesus’ tips was that we need to be sure we’re praying “in [his] name.” He didn’t say exactly what he meant by this, but since the essence of Jesus is mercy and love, then praying in his name must mean, at the very least, praying with mercy and love. Which means not just pretending to love others as ourselves, but truly loving them, even the ones it’s hardest for us to love. Here, again, I have to let go of my natural feelings and ask God to change them. It’s not easy, but it works if I stick with it.

What’s more, if we can get in the habit of doing all this pretty regularly—getting our souls into the right temper & listening to God as we ask God for help with our difficulties—we’ll discover that it not only leads to real solutions but also has the wondrous side effect of—surprise!—bringing us deep peace & joy. (And, after years of research and observation, I think I can safely say that this is the only way we humans can be truly & lastingly happy while on earth.)

One more thought on the Wesley quote. One way God doesn’t give us what we ask for when we don’t have our minds in order is simply that as long as we stay in self-centered moods, we can’t access the answers God’s trying to send. In angry, self-absorbed, or otherwise negative moods, we aren’t able to receive the gifts or feel the joy. So this is another way that the temper of our souls when we pray is absolutely essential for the success of the whole enterprise. People who never get themselves into the right attitude and right relation to God never experience the joy and bounty and peace and power that they could be experiencing while on earth. They’re saved in the end if they want to be, but they miss out on a lot of joy that they could be experiencing now. (Maybe this was what Jesus meant by the “abundant life.”)

Thank you, Mrs. Wesley, for writing down your wisdom for those of us who came after you!

Several bits of advice I’ve written recently that the recipients have said worked (thanks, God!):

1. One friend of mine, newly diagnosed with diabetes, said she had been overwhelmed at first, although she was now regrouping and facing things bit by bit. She wrote that she was feeling stressed & apprehensive about her upcoming plans to accompany her sister’s family to the beach.

I prayed hard before writing this reply:

>>>Sounds like you need a beach vacation! My advice for the week is to try to turn your troubles over to God in prayer, then get out there & enjoy God’s incredible creation.

“Baby steps” (as you mention) is really all we can do about anything—that, plus prayer & continually asking God to help us have the right attitude (faith, hope, & love!).

Even I, as trouble-free as my life is, have to work on my attitude at least once a day!

Take care & God bless your trip to FL.<<<

2. This one was to a guy who wrote wondering why there's so much depression in the world:

>>>A big part of the wisdom I’ve gained in recent years is that depression is the normal state of humankind, unless we make the choice over & over again to align our minds with the God of Love (who also happens to be the Creator of the universe). When people are younger, they’re frequently able to distract themselves from their depression, or even may temporarily not feel it at all, because of romance, children, or career concerns. But past a certain age, these things fail, & if we want to be happy after that, we have to do what Jung called the work of the second half of life, which is to get in touch with our souls and God, however we understand God to be.<<<

This God is the source of all love & creativity, & we humans have the choice whether or not to align ourselves with him or her. If we do, we can be happy. If we don’t, we can’t.

This is not to say that some of us don’t also need our brain chemicals restored by medication. But the most potent antidepressants in the world are not the solution to existential despair.

Interestingly enough, these same techniques of aligning our minds with love are also what it takes to get prayers answered! Think about it–forgiving others, submitting our wills to the will of the universe, & maintaining faith!

God bless all who read this!

Sara